crimson_graces | open post 2017

[The ship has come and gone that let her go back to pretending like Ben didn't get under her skin, didn't affect her, didn't make her think and feel things she never had before. He's going to be stuck with her now, and vice versa for at least eighteen years so let's see if he still thinks of her as the best thing ever in like an hour.

Lucy rolls her eyes at his response, typing out a harsh response or as harsh as it can be when it's one word sentences and it's a touchscreen phone and none of the agitation she's feeling actually translates over.]

outside. now. coming?

( shocking spoiler alert: he probably will still think she's pretty spectacular. if he could just turn off thinking that, trust that he would have already, because caring about something is a real problem when life has so thoroughly shown him caring is just asking to get hurt. he's a graduate of the Emma Swan school of emotional entanglements and he graduated with honors. literally the only thing he ever succeeded at.

if his lazy typing annoyed her, the fact he doesn't even respond to the inquiry will only be worse. that ugly read notification with no other information provided. still, she doesn't have to worry long, though he doesn't exactly fly out his window — as he sees it, this is the conversation he doesn't want to have. he's not sure how she can call it quits when they don't actually have anything to quit...

yet he's invested enough he doesn't want to hear it.

he opens her door without pretense, dropping into the seat awkwardly. he never seems to know what to do with himself in a car. ) I'm guessing you're not picking me up to be your wingman on your first B&E, so what's up with the secrecy? ( that's great. play it cool. make dumb jokes. she can't tell you that the thing that never even happened isn't real that way, right? Ben pushes glasses up his nose and inwardly curses that he forgot he was wearing them. surprise, he's even more of a nerd than she initially thought. )

[She.... didn't know he wore glasses.

Maybe she's seen them before. But she can't remember it. She's always ever seen him in black, with his hair all messy and no sign of glasses. So he's always had contacts. So her baby is going to have some shitty eyesight if it takes after him at all.

Lucy stares at him for a moment, her mouth half open. She'd plan to be more eloquent about this but there's really no good way to say it.]

I'm pregnant.

( bad eyes has to be superior than a half spider child all right pick your battles MJ

she hasn't. for a kid that is so desperate to convince people he doesn't care, he cares enough not to be seen in public with glasses on. he'd have especially made a point that Lucy never saw them, until right now, because he's an idiot. so much for holding on to that particular secret, but it probably doesn't matter much anymore, and—

Ben usually has something to say, no matter the situation. generally it's sarcastic, and often a little mean. however, he has no good comebacks to that one. it's not the conversation he was at all expecting to have. the breath seems to be locked out of his lungs, his chest feels tight and brittle, practically overwhelmed by the patter of his heartbeat. )

You're... you're... are you serious? ( he sounds dazed, and that's because he is. this cannot be happening right now. )

[Good. He can be as freaked out as she is.

(spider genes would be better for the record)

She actually likes the glasses but thinking he's an adorable nerd is what got them into this in the first place. Lucy doesn't ask if it's alright, she just starts the car and flips on the lights and away they go. To the pier or the forest or that random empty big house. Somewhere private. Which is also what got them into this but it's not like she can get pregnant again.]

As a heart attack. I'm having a baby. And it's yours. For the record.

( he knows how sex works. he sort of knew the chances when it happened. they'd just seemed remarkably small. what was one night, one time? they were both honestly too smart to risk it, but they had. even the limited protection they'd used hadn't been enough, and...

he feels a bit like all the oxygen in the car has been drained away. Lucy doesn't say anything as she drives away and he has to open the window, as if that will return air that never disappeared in the first place. hard to say if it makes him feel any better, but the cold air on his face is a reminder that the moment is real. this is all really happening.

when she speaks again, he shakes his head. he didn't need a for the record, for the record. Ben doesn't actually care that much about the fact she had a boyfriend, all the time she spent with him proved that their relationship wasn't as perfect and charmed as the school wanted to believe. Lucy herself has given that away, and it's really laughable honestly, to be somehow certain she hasn't cheated on him with her boyfriend (is that even possible?), yet he was without her saying anything. )

I get it, ( he mutters with an uneasy breath, heart trapped between panic and insecurity and uncertainty all at the same time. he hazards a fleeting touch over her knuckles, wanting to take her hand and not sure that she'll let him. ) What are you... ( he swallows. ) What are we going to do?

( because as long as she let him, it would be a we. )

[She's just saying. In case he was going to even try to weasel out of it like he tries to get out of all his responsibility in life, because she won't let him do it this time. This isn't getting his calculus homework turned in on time. This is a baby. This is both of their lives that it affects and for once-- she doesn't know what she's going to do.

Lucy's had The Plan in place as long as she can remember and Ben has gone and ruined that. Even if she gets rid of it, gives it up for adoption, pretends like none of this ever happened-- it did. They did.

They aren't happening right now so when he goes for her hand, she jerks it away. What's the worst that's going to happen, Lucy? You get pregnant again? She sighs heavily and would probably smash her head against the steering wheel if she wasn't driving and also had a death wish.]

Sorry-- I just-- I don't know.

[She gets where she wanted, the little park by the ocean and parks before she says anything else.]

We're not ready to be parents.

( she pulls away from him and Ben tries not to flinch. it's okay, it's to be expected, it's ... maybe if his head was screwed on straight he'd have a good word for it. it shouldn't bother him, because this is what Lucy does. only it does bother him, and luckily Lucy's eyes are on the road or she'd spot a glimpse beyond the devil-may-care attitude he's determined to present to the world.

all this trouble started when he let something near enough that it could matter when it was taken away. apparently he hasn't learned much on that front.

Ben doesn't say much more until she stops again. it is both because she seems intent on finding a particular place and that he simply needs the time to think. Storybrooke thinks he's stupid, that his thoughts sink through his head like a tortoise covered in molasses. if only, they actually race around so fast that it's hard to keep up with all of them sometimes. and it's safe to say that he's got plenty to think about, in the uncomfortable minutes it takes Lucy to find a place to park. )

I don't know either, ( he musters, after a long pace of silence. his head is running probabilities, probabilities and unknowns and possibilities. there's too much he doesn't know, too much he can't guess at, and yet he is guessing at it anyway. does she want to have the baby? would they do this together or would she try to push him out? would she rather scrub that spark of life away and forget it ever happened, forget there was ever a moment they fell together and for a blissful moment in his empty life, he finally knew what it was like to not feel alone?

he breathes out again, this one heavier than the last. panic is like cement is filling his lungs. ) Nobody is, ( he mutters, and he'd know — since his mother? parents? had it been a choice they'd made together? — because he was a mistake nobody was ready for, either. ) What do you want, Lucy? Tell me that, and ... I don't, I don't know. That's what is most important.

open post 2017

never forgives you

scratches at your door while whimpering

locks it

crawls in your window

very spiderman of you

i'm very method

i got that, creeper

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