crimson_graces | (no subject)

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[She's on the phone with her dad when the news breaks about two speedsters racing in downtown Central City. The first speedsters in the city in decades and Iris knows one of those two is her baby girl even before a picture of purple and yellow lightning is plastered all over the screen. It might have been decades since she's seen that familiar gold in person and even longer since she gave off purple lightning herself but it wasn't something she'd ever forgotten. And of course, Nora leaves a trail a perfect mix of her parents' behind her.

The fight's over almost as soon as it started, with only one of the speedsters in Iron Heights. She did it, Nora won, and the swell of pride mixes harshly with the sickening fear that the speed force won't be any kinder to her daughter than it was to her husband.

There's no sign of the other speedster for over an hour. Dad promises to call in favors across the city. He might be retired from the force, but he still knows people everywhere. So does Cecile, who chimes in the background that she'll do the same. Iris tells the reporters at CCC that the first person to locate the other speedster gets a substantial bonus along with a promotion and only feels a little guilty at using her employees to stalk her daughter. She even calls Wally, and lets him get in one 'I told you so' before practically begging him to come back and help. There's at least a dozen new messages on Nora's phone, not that she actually thinks she'll listen to them.

Iris is even about to pick up the phone and call the fucking Justice League or what's left of it to ask them to come to Central City and find her daughter. They haven't spoken in years, not since Barry but Bruce Wayne owes her so maybe--

Something speeds past her, rustling papers and charging the air with lightning, before a door slams. There's no way Wally is here already. And she might actually kill Barry if he comes home right now.]

Nora?

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[ she hears her mom's voice but the words, her name, doesn't register. she skids to a stop only once she runs through the doorway of her room, and quickly slams the door shut. her hands shake - not vibrate, shake - with panic and she's breathing really hard, her chest hurts, the room spins, and she has to wobble her feet to get on her bed.

and when she's seated her panicked breathing breaks to a pained cry, a sob cracking through her throat, eyes welled with tears. the shaking in her hands transitions to her whole body, every sensor in her angrily screaming to flight. she can fix this, she has to, but she can still see his face, hear his voice, telling her never to go back to him. never time travel again. never see him again.

she hugs herself, letting her fingers tighten into her coat to hold on for dear life, and the sobs rip into a cry that finally stops her from shaking. ]

[Iris takes the lack of answer as permission to not only approach Nora's room but let herself in with barely a soft knock as a warning. They've done this before. Her daughter stomped her feet and slammed doors and Iris made it damn clear she had to use her words if she wanted something. If she wanted to be alone, she had to say so.

No sense in changing that house rule now. Not when Iris has been worried sick about her all evening and she's desperate to try and fix what she broke twenty five years ago.]

Sweetheart. [Uncertain if she's crying over Lia or the lie she uncovered tonight, Iris steps into the room, almost ready to start crying herself. She's sorry, she really is, and she knows how badly it hurts to lose your best friend. Even as she approaches the bed, she doesn't try to reach for her yet, like she's afraid of spooking a frightened deer into running off again.] Please don't run off.

[ she doesn't hear the first part, being addresses, but when she feels the approach she picks her head up just as she tells her not to run off. it's mom, but the mom she remembers. the one with gray in her hair, the expression of firmness she grew up with, and who she left an hour ago but spent so many months with all at the same time. she didn't get to say good bye and yet here she is anyway, twenty-five or so years later. ]

Mom...

[ she swallows down her next cry, but it sputters out anyway in a heaving release of anguish. don't run off -- where would she even go? she stood where her dad left her for so long (a couple minutes) and her first thought was to go to eobard. ask him if there was something, anything, she could do to fix this. but he only has so much time left and she can't imagine he wants to waste it looking at her cry with judgmental dismay. where else could she go but home? ]

Mom, I -- I messed up. I messed up so bad.

[For the first time in a long time, Iris is several steps behind her daughter and doesn't quite have all the context here. Nora's been so easy to read, practically an open book for her entire life that now that she doesn't know what's making Nora cry like this, she's at a loss for words for a moment.]

What? No, sweetheart, you did great. I don't care about the damage at the Citizen.

[She doubts that Nora intentionally dropped that speedster on the sign to spite her. Signs can be replaced. God knows there's enough money in her company to fix it by tomorrow.

Cautiously, she puts a hand out to touch her baby's shoulder, and just barely keeps the question about what the hell happened to her hair to herself. For the moment.]

Whatever it is, we can fix it.

[ she shakes her head, sniffling hard, and smiles in pain. ]

You can't. I can't - I --

[ she breathes a rough breath in and exhales, tears still trickling down her face, make-up around her eyes smearing as so many emotions roll through her and out. her mom let her out of the pipeline, maybe she'll understand then-- ]

I went to see dad. In 2019.

You what?

[That comes out a little sharper than she meant, like so many things have over the years. Iris has to take a breath to check the worry that's been threatening to overwhelm her all night.

She doesn't need to ask why. The desire to see Barry doesn't need to be explained. But rather--]

How?

[It took Barry months to go fast enough to time travel by accident. Nora's had that chip out of her shoulder for what, a few hours? A day at the most?]

I don't understand why you're so upset about seeing him.

It's - [ she breathes in, and out, gasps light to get the next breath in ] - complicated. There's so much that's happened...

[ and she hesitates on wanting to tell the truth, until she remembers that's what got her into this in the first place. she shuts her eyes and carefully dabs the back of her hand against her cheeks, a futile attempt to clean herself up, and swallows down her next cry. she's not quite done, but slowly she feels herself calming down. she hopes it lasts. ]

Mom I... I've been gone for almost a year. It's only been an hour here, but I haven't just been gone an hour, I was there for so long.

[ the satellite destruction in the late spring of 2018, to the early spring of 2019. the only time she's gone home in-between was to meet with eobard. her eyes glance at a digital clock that hovers on her desk and... he has only minutes left. ]

[Somehow, Iris isn't surprised as she probably should be. Like something nagging at the back of her mind confirms Nora's tale, even if she can't recall any specific details about it. She and Barry had their ups and downs but there's no way he hid their daughter from the future from her for an entire year. Or she'll be going into the speedforce tonight to commit murder.

Time travel gives her a headache, even after all these years.

She sighs quietly, her hand moving from Nora's shoulder to her hair.]

That explains what happened to your hair at least. What did you mess up then?

My -- oh, yeah...

[ it's been a while now since she cut it, she forgot she still had a braid when she was last here. running around with it became too obnoxious for her patience. she breathes in and out, slowly bringing it back to a regular, as she composes in her head what she should say to that. where to even start? ...at the beginning seems right. ]

After Godspeed killed Lia, I - I knew I had to stop him. I had to bring him to justice for her sake. [ she opens her eyes and breathes in through her nose, her hands tightening together in a fold on her lap. ] But he was so fast, and I didn't know how to use my powers. So - So I went to see the only speedster Central City had left.

I went to see Eobard Thawne. He helped me stop Godspeed. He told me dad was the Flash... and then he told me how I could meet him.

[Once Nora had found out about the chip, and her speed, Iris knew it was only a matter of time before she figured out the man behind the mask was her father. She's a smart girl, almost too smart, and she connects dots that Iris can't even see sometimes. It's part of the reason Iris never told her the truth about who Barry was, and why he died. If Nora knew Barry was the Flash, then she'd start to question if she was a speedster too, and then the house of cards would fall apart from there.

The hand trying to sooth Nora through petting her hair stills, and then drops a second later. She went to Thawne. Thawne of all people. Iris can see with horrible clarity how her lies have led them here, how she practically led her baby girl to that monster.]

You can't trust him, Nora. I don't know what he's told you or why he helped you. I should have told you about your dad, I know and I'm sorry but that man is a monster. His entire existence has been about ruining this family. He's the reason your father is gone.

Yeah, well, wish you told me that sooner. Like, a lot sooner.

[ maybe she was a fool to trust thawne. he was in jail for a good reason and she can't say it wasn't well deserved by all accounts. but then she thinks of how those guards tortured him, how when her entire life was built around lies he was the one to give her the keys to the structure. he wasn't a hero, but maybe he wasn't the villain he was made up to be? she glances at the digital clock again and dread overwhelms her, but she can't even cry for him or for herself anymore. he'd just get annoyed anyway. ]

He's about to be executed, in like, six more minutes, so don't worry about him. [ she pushes some of her hair back with a shaky hand, eyes lowered to look at her feet. ] Dad found out and I thought he would understand after I explained it. I know it was wrong, and I know I screwed up, but he - he told me he doesn't trust me anymore.

He sent me back... and told me to never see him again. [ her smile of pain comes back and she quietly claps her hands together. ] So, yeah, there it is! I met the dad I never knew and made him hate me.

Edited (html) 2019-04-19 03:39 (UTC)

[Part of the reason Iris had planned on being in Coast City this week, and had assigned the execution to one of her staff reporters was because she knew she wouldn't be able to be objective about it. She wanted to dance and celebrate the fact that Thawne was finally, finally paying for his crimes. No, she'd never have the same level of hatred for him as Barry but Eddie died because of Thawne. Another person she's never spoken to Nora about.]

He doesn't hate you.

[Iris doesn't need to remember that time to know that. Because she knew Barry better than anyone and she witnessed first hand how much he adored Nora when she was a baby. It hurt him, knowing that he was going to be leaving Iris but leaving Nora behind too nearly stopped him from doing it at all. She's never lied about how much her father loved her, if that wins her any points at all.]

He couldn't. He's hurt and upset, just like you and me too, young lady, but there's absolutely no universe or timeline that exists where your dad hates you. He'll come around. He tends to react emotionally not logically. Like someone else I know.

"Come around" - he can't come around, mom!

[ she breathes out tense, and finally looks at her mom. her gaze is firm but terribly sad, and her voice quivers with fear and despair. ]

He's dead. Dad is dead and I - I wanted to save him! I just wanted to save him from disappearing the way he did. If I have this power because of him, then it's the least I could do.

But he told me never to travel back. He told me he would 'feel it' if I did, whatever that means. He - [ she stops, swallowing down the sob she feels is coming ] - doesn't want to see me anymore. And I'll never see him again.

[Iris won't say it, because it would undermine the point that it sounds like Barry is trying to make, but she highly doubts he can actually sense her traveling through the speed force. It's hardly the point anyway.]

We don't... actually know he's dead.

[That is a lie that Iris will own up to. There was never a body to bury. Barry and Thawne disappeared in a flash of light and that was that. It was when the hours turned to months and then years and Nora started asking questions, that Iris told her he died. Easier to explain to a little girl than he's missing.]

There's a good chance he's lost in the speed force. It's happened before. Twice, actually.

[ her expression snaps to shock, then quickly expands with aghast. ]

Twice?! He just -- disappeared, twice, then came back? [ she breathes in, not even sure how to process that information, but within seconds deflates again. ] But wait, if he got lost then how lost is he? I mean he disappeared, but Thawne came back! If Thawne came back then how could dad not?

[ no offense to thawne, but the flash is the flash. how does he not come back? how does someone even get lost in the speed force? all questions racing in her head that she would pose to thawne if she could, but now it dawns on her that she doesn't have to. dad said she was wrong to go to him when she had other options -- mom is suddenly an option. ]

Edited (my html keeps fucking up im so sorry) 2019-04-19 04:39 (UTC)

[There goes that brilliant mind of hers down the rabbit hole that Iris spent years trying to keep her away from. It's too late now, to try and shove it all back in the closet, especially if it's been nearly a year for Nora at this point. Iris takes a second, to collect her thoughts and steady her shaking hands. Lying is what brought them to this point, and as much as it scares her to think about, it's something Nora needs to know about. It's all a part of her history. It was Iris's job to teach her it.]

I don't know why he hasn't come back.. It's all... complicated and I know that's not what you want to hear. The speed force is its own thing, Nora. You don't explain it, you don't understand it, it is what it is.

[Iris has spent enough nights begging the speed force to please, god please just give her Barry back to believe that it doesn't actually care about any of them.]

But I think if anyone could find him, it would be you.

You really think so?

[ she says small but, for the first time tonight, with a tiny sliver of a smile curving up on her lips. it seems weird to talk about finding dad when she just saw him, but time travel is just that complicated it seems. yet as the idea comes to mind she remembers how disappointed he sounded, how angry he was, and the pain resurfaces again. her smile softens and starts losing its shine, though she tries her best not to let it get to her.

instead she decides to redirect- ]

Dad wasn't the only one I met back in 2019. I also met you - I mean, not met you, but like saw you. Got to know more about you. When things came out, you still wanted to give me a chance even though dad didn't. You... don't know how much that means to me.

Edited (i need sleep im editing like every tag cause of a mistake smh) 2019-04-19 05:45 (UTC)

[Iris is sure those memories will catch up to her, sooner or later, whenever the timeline re-aligns, and whatever mischief Nora has created in the past settles. For now, she doesn't need to know why she'd give Nora a chance thirty years ago when she'd give her all the chances in the world now.

Her smile back is a little watery so Nora will just have to forgive her old, sappy mom for crying just a little too.]

Nora, you're the best part of my life. You get all of the chances you need. Please remember that, ok? I know I've been hard on you. It isn't because I don't love you. I love you so much that I... I wouldn't survive it if I lost you too.

I know.

[ oh no, she sees those tears and it hurts because she's pretty sure she has never seen her mom cry. moms just don't cry, and she swallows her own urge to tear up again, instead opening her arms and bringing her into a strong hug. she rests her face into the crook of the shoulder and closes her eyes, breathing in slow. ]

I love you mom. And I'm sorry. I understand now.

[Well, that's just going to make the crying worse, but Iris clings to her anyway. Holds her baby girl close like she can just keep her there forever. Where she's safe and whole and this city with its metahumans can't hurt her. At least not any more than Iris herself has done.]

It doesn't make it better or right, what I did. I know that. You are... so like him, Nora, I'm sure you realize that by now but if you don't. Trust me, you are definitely his daughter. And that scared me. I can't promise that I'll back off, but whatever you want to know, whatever you need help with, I'm here. No more secrets.

No more secrets.

[ secrets ruined everything for her. maybe her dad is a lost cause, and that pain may sting for the rest of her life, but her mom is still here. physical and alive in her arms. it's more than she can say for her dad, who is everything and nothing like she thought he would be.

she sniffs, not quite ready to let go, but she can't stay quiet for too long, not ever- ]

I was trying to catch Cicada. Dad never did, and it was his last case. I wanted to solve it. But I think I made it worse somehow. Like being there was just making things worse somehow.

[Jesus.

Her arms tighten around her daughter for a second, like she really is trying to protect Nora from another one of the monsters that plagued her father.]

Well, there's consequences to time travel, Nora. You never know what you're going to change when you do it. I'm actually a little surprised your dad let you stay as long as you did. He knew the dangers of time travel better than anyone.

[ he clacks her teeth and tries to pull away. she really does know dad well huh. ]

He wanted to send me home right away actually. So... I told him he disappears in the Crisis. He changed his mind pretty quick.

[ she thought saying she wanted to spend time with him was enough to convince him, but when it wasn't she opted to tell him the truth. ]

Nora.

[That is a horrible spoiler to lay on her father's shoulders. They've known since the beginning about Crisis. In fact, keeping that headline intact was a year long mission of theirs when Savitar threatened her life. Telling Barry that he never comes back, it's almost cruel.

Iris lets her pull away, mostly so she can fix her with a Mom Glare. Look, she said she wouldn't back off.]

Was it worth it?

Was it worth it to get to know the dad I never met?

[ said with a sarcastic edge of 'no shit it was', but she sees that glare and sighs soft. ]

He deserved to know. If we have these powers then it should be our responsibility to use them for good. What greater good can there be than saving the Flash?

[Nora was almost lamenting the fact that she thinks her father hates her now. So yeah. The question stands, whether or not it was worth it to disappoint her hero and make Cicada into a larger problem than he ever used to be. Iris gets it. She'd probably change a serial killer or two's destiny to see Barry again too.]

I think he'd say protecting you was far more important.

I don't need protection, I need my family to be whole! Central City needs the Flash, and we need dad.

[ the only thing nora laments is that she can't go back to 2019 without her dad 'feeling her' in the speed force, whatever that means. maybe she should give it a try and see how many times he rejects her until he gives up... ]

I need to go back. I just don't know how without him stopping me.

Nora, wait.

[Because she knows you, young lady. She's been there for every day of her life and Iris knows exactly how stubborn and impulsive she can be. Nora got that from both her parents, so she really never stood a chance.

Just barely, Iris resists the urge to wrap her fingers around her daughter's wrist like a leash, like that will actually do anything against a speedster that wants to leave.]

Maybe you need to take a minute to calm down. I'm not saying you don't need your dad, because you do, honey. It's not fair that you never got to know him before and it's not fair to leave it like this but sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back. I know it's a hard concept to you speedsters, but taking a break isn't a bad thing. Regroup. Really think about what you're going to do next.

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