[he scrambles to escape, wrenching himself away from her as he backs himself up. tries to put some space between them, regardless of her grip. he needs the distance. needs the chance to try and force the hallucination away. to bury it alongside those memories of a happier time. thinking about iris is never going to stop hurting. so having his mind play games on him like this--]
Just stop it, stop it, stop it.
[despite knowing that this isn't real, he can't bring himself to look away from her. to miss a moment of whatever this is. it's more than a photograph, more than a distant memory being relived. this is a version of iris that he hasn't imagined before. he's relived the night of her death, of course. more times than he can recall. but she isn't a bloodstained corpse. isn't the love of his life breathing her dying.
none of this is making sense, and he has no idea what he's even meant to be doing right now. what he can do other than stare blankly back at a ghost of his past.]
[Too bad. She's got him in a death grip and she really might die for real this time if he gets free. He can't leave because she's been alone for so long that she feels as crazed and desperate as he looks. God what happened to him? How long has she been gone? Is she even on her own earth?]
Barry. [Iris shakes him a little. Like she's trying to prove something to him. She's here, she's real, she's not dying. Maybe she's trying to prove that to herself too.]
[he knows he should shake her off. that he should be putting distance between himself and this hallucination. and yet he finds himself doing the exact opposite, body slumping forward so he can rest against her. can wrap his arms round a body who he'd last held as it'd bled out. as she'd died in his arms--
a choking sound escapes him as he gives up the fight. as he end up with his face buried against her neck, tears falling freely as he holds on to her with a level of desperation that he hasn't shown in years. it's a bad idea, the worst idea, to let himself fall victim to this. but with no one around to bear witness to it, he can't help but give in to his own weakness.]
I'm sorry. [for not being able to hold it together long enough to walk away from this moment. for not being quick enough. for failing her. it was his job to keep her safe. to find a way to stop savitar. he didn't deserve her, deserve her trust. not when he destroyed it all so easily.]
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Just stop it, stop it, stop it.
[despite knowing that this isn't real, he can't bring himself to look away from her. to miss a moment of whatever this is. it's more than a photograph, more than a distant memory being relived. this is a version of iris that he hasn't imagined before. he's relived the night of her death, of course. more times than he can recall. but she isn't a bloodstained corpse. isn't the love of his life breathing her dying.
none of this is making sense, and he has no idea what he's even meant to be doing right now. what he can do other than stare blankly back at a ghost of his past.]
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Barry. [Iris shakes him a little. Like she's trying to prove something to him. She's here, she's real, she's not dying. Maybe she's trying to prove that to herself too.]
It's me. It's just me.
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a choking sound escapes him as he gives up the fight. as he end up with his face buried against her neck, tears falling freely as he holds on to her with a level of desperation that he hasn't shown in years. it's a bad idea, the worst idea, to let himself fall victim to this. but with no one around to bear witness to it, he can't help but give in to his own weakness.]
I'm sorry. [for not being able to hold it together long enough to walk away from this moment. for not being quick enough. for failing her. it was his job to keep her safe. to find a way to stop savitar. he didn't deserve her, deserve her trust. not when he destroyed it all so easily.]