[closed to speedsters] psl. i'm the fastest woman alive

[bloggings]

[Iris remembers being in the library when the particle accelerator exploded. She had another thirty pages to go on her dissertation and she was about to text Barry about how much she hated him for convincing her to go back to school for the twelfth time that day because if he had gotten the time right, then she wouldn't be working on her hated dissertation and stress eating, she would have been at STAR labs with Barry and a thousand other excited nerds but they got there too late, couldn't get in and so they went home because she was not going to stand outside in the rain--

-- and that's where it all goes dark.

Nine months later she wakes up in STAR labs, steals a sweatshirt and can run faster than people can blink.

The first person she tells, besides Dr. Wells and Caitlin and Cisco is her dad. Her dad who looks at her like he's terrified of losing his little girl like they both lost her mom, too young and too sudden and too violently. But then she tells him she wants to help people, that she wants to use this new speed to do good and not stand on the sidelines anymore, because she gets it. He didn't want her to be a cop to keep her safe but the universe has spoken and she's not going to ignore it this time. She's not a little girl, he can either support her or... well that's the only option she gives him. Support her or support her more.

The only thing they both seem to agree on immediately is: don't tell Barry right now. Not to keep him safe. Not to shield him. Not for any other reason besides what she can do, it should be impossible but it's not and that opens up a world of possibilities and neither of them want to get his hopes up before they know anything for sure. Because they've watched him struggle with his mom's murder and his dad's imprisonment for it for fifteen years and when they make the move to overturn the case to be foolproof, which is so the plan now because Iris puts two and two together and when Cisco tells her she's giving off yellow lightning when she runs all she can think of is eleven year old Barry asking if she thought he was crazy like everyone else at school.

No, Barry. Of course she didn't. Still doesn't. But she can't shake the nagging, bad feeling in her gut that she's not the only speedster in the world and that other one is what Barry saw that night and that it's not over just because Nora Allen is dead.

A run in with a man in a yellow suit who streaks red pretty much confirms that. But it's nice to know her instincts are still spot on.

Iris is not very good at secrets nor is she very subtle because Barry hears about her anyway, reads the reports online and the eyewitness accounts from crime scenes and he latches on hard. He talks about her all the time. He has theories and ideas and an excitement in his eyes that breaks her heart a little. Would he still be excited if he knew the truth? About her, about how she's kept a big secret from him for a few weeks now. Joe has to keep reminding her that she didn't want to get his hopes up, because if they're right then they can prove his dad is innocent finally but they have to toe the line carefully, play their cards right and Barry is even less subtle than she is.

But she seems to have decided she doesn't care about that anymore, after tonight. She needs Barry on their side, he's smart and knows more about his mom's murder than any of them. Or maybe she selfishly needs Barry to tell her that he doesn't blame her for anything. Or maybe she just likes the way he acts around her when she's under her mask. Like a star struck boy in love but one that also flirts back with her and says things her Barry would never say and she wants to feel appreciated right now. Whatever the reason, it has Iris turning off her ear piece in her suit after the man in yellow gets away, and she runs to the lab above the police station. She's bruised and hurting and wants nothing more than to shower and then sleep for a year but this needs to happen first.

Time to face the music.

Iris arrives in his lab in a familiar gust of wind, sending papers flying and oh god, ow, she needs to lean on this desk for a moment and catch her breath. The fight has taken more out of her than she thought apparently.]

Comments

[speedsters]

[oh. oh, oh, oh.

it's not that he doesn't see that she's hurting or doesn't care, but the topic of his mom's murder is still too raw, always will be, and sometimes it feels like the memory of it is getting sharper instead of fuzzier, like he never did leave that living room.]

A yellow suit. Red lightning. Oh, my God.

[he reaches behind without turning around, waiting until his hand finds the chair at his desk to pull it towards himself and sit down heavily, face in his hands. ohhh, he is so so incredibly stupid. fourteen years of looking for leads and finding nothing, being no closer to solving his mom's case or freeing his dad than he was when he was eleven, and when confronted with something so obvious, he missed it. if there's one speedster, why not two?]

Why would he... [kill everyone you care about?] ...my mom. Did he say why he did it?

[bloggings]

[No one thought there was anyone else like her. That's not something he should beat himself up for. Iris has seen a lot of metahumans but they've all been different.

When he asks why the Reverse Flash killed his mom-- Iris doesn't have a good answer for him. Doesn't have an actual answer from the mouth of the monster, just riddles and taunts and a bruise flowering on her side.

But she felt his hatred of her. It was real, practically palpable in the air between them when they collided, sparked between them like the lightning that tied them together. She'd put nothing past that man and she doesn't even know what he really looks like.

Barry sits and Iris moves forward again, this time she does touch him. Puts her hands on his shoulders.]

I don't think he was aiming for her. I think he wanted you because that would break me the most.

[speedsters]

[he doesn't move away from her this time, but that means she can feel the way he breathes in sharply at her answer. opens his eyes behind his hands, but doesn't move them away from his face yet.

he had assumed, all this time, that it'd been on purpose. that someone had out for nora allen — or maybe even his dad, determined to frame him — so badly that they were willing to kill. he didn't get why anyone would, but it made sense; and he's seen a lot of cases by now, even if not as many as joe, and he knows that people can have insanely convoluted rationale for committing crimes like these.

but he'd never, not once, seriously entertained the idea that it might have been accident. that someone might've wanted to kill him and his mom had just been in the crossfire, or that someone might've had a reason that had nothing to do with any of the allens at all.]

That doesn't make sense. [he's grasping and knows it.] We were kids. We'd only been friends, what, a year? And the particle accelerator hadn't even been built yet; you weren't the Flash yet.

[bloggings]

[Her fingers tighten on his shoulders, to the point where she could bruise him like a peach if she wanted. Maybe it's to keep him here, maybe it's to ground herself, maybe it's to keep them both from crumbling entirely.

It was just a theory, one of many that bounced around her head until tonight. She also thought that she'd killed Nora Allen for a long time until Caitlin had finally managed to convince her she couldn't have possibly. Even with Cisco whispering time travel in the background.]

He said-- he said that we'd been fighting for centuries. [Her voice is as small and helpless as she feels.]

And Barry, I can't lose you. He knows that. He knows everything about me.

[speedsters]

[for centuries. it's crazy. it's impossible. it's everything people ever called his theories about his mom's murder and more, so why not? why not time travel, or whatever? it's a theory he'll really have to think about later, let sink in and take apart and consider the logistics of what she can do and how it'd be possible — if it'd be possible.

because right now, it's hard not to be stuck on the other point here. he shakes his head, steals a brief glance up at her.]

I don't...

[understand. know how to live with that. and it's a good thing barry visited his dad just earlier today because he sure wouldn't know how to look at him now.

he could almost feel the same about iris, knowing it's her arch-enemy, apparently, knowing it's her connection to him that might've caused everything, except...he does know how. he knows how to love joe and be grateful to him, live in his house for years and call him his foster dad to other people, all while remembering joe's involvement in putting henry allen in prison. it makes him sick to think of iris that way, especially when he knows it's not her fault. she didn't ask for any of this any more than he did. she's never wanted to do any more than protect people, including him and his dad. secret identities or no, she's still the person who stayed his best friend despite everything, and he's still grateful.

but it's not that easy.]

And I...could lose my parents? [he knows she didn't make that call, and how unfair that is to ask — though the whole thing is unfair, start to finish. so he moves to stand, raising hands to take hers in his as he does.] No. I'm sorry. I'll help you — [gives her hands a squeeze] — whatever you need, you know that. Iris or the Flash.

[and then letting go of her hands.]

But not right now.

[right now? he could use some air.]

[bloggings]

[In that moment, Iris wished that he'd yelled at her instead. It hurts worse than anything the Reverse Flash threw at her just a few hours ago. Looking at Barry and knowing that he's blaming her for what happened to his family but trying to be her best friend about it. But then why shouldn't he blame her?

Because it is her fault. Because the man in yellow doesn't want to just kill her, he wants to tear everything she has apart first.]

Barry--[She's not even trying to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. Not because she wants to make him stay or make him pity her, but because his pain is as real to her as her own. For a moment she looks like she's going to push into him, hug him, make him stay with her but she doesn't. She just nods and drops her hands.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll go.

[speedsters]

[there's a part of him that wants to yell at her. he is angry, so much more than he's expressed and only getting angrier. but he isn't angry at her. he's angry at the man in yellow. he's angry at himself.

maybe he shouldn't be asking iris to go, knowing this guy's probably tried to kill him once already and is back in central city. but, honestly? barry wants to meet the man in yellow. he's been terrified of that very thing happening his whole life, but he's also wanted it, and in a crazy way he's more upset that this other speedster hasn't bothered coming back after him yet. barry doesn't want to hear about maybes or probablys from iris. he wants to ask the man himself what happened and why. why his mom; why him; why iris. why let his dad get stuck in prison for all these years, when it's iris he's after?

and can he be convinced to do something about it?

there are too many questions and no answers, not really. maybe iris is the one who can run faster than almost anyone else, but barry's always felt like he was being chased by something, and now it's closing in.

he exhales, runs both hands through his hair and down the back of his head, and nods without quite looking at her.]

Okay. Okay.

[don't apologize doesn't quite make its way aloud.]

[bloggings]

[Part of her had been really hoping that he'd stop her. Tell her not to go. Tell her that he was just being cranky and overreacting and no, Iris, of course he doesn't want her to leave. She's his best friend. They'd had little fights before but never ones that left her wondering where they were going to stand tomorrow.

Iris takes her time putting the mask back on, tucking her hair under the edges. When she's done, it's not Iris West standing there anymore but the Flash. The woman who can run faster than the speed of sound. The reason Barry lost his parents.

She opens her mouth like she's going to say something else but changes her mind before the words can come out. And then she takes off in a gust of wind, sending whatever papers are still loose flying, and maybe he'll notice. Feel the brush of someone wrapping their arms around him tight and brushing their lips against his forehead. Or he won't but she couldn't leave without doing it.]